About WordsonWings

My name is Diane. I am 38 years old (DOB 1/10/71). I presently live in New Jersey and have lived here since I was four years old. I was born in Maryland when my father was in the Navy. I am the oldest of three sisters and I presently am unmarried with no children.

I originally had some things listed here about myself, but while I was updating pictures one day about a month ago, I had managed to delete most of my pictures and just about all of what I had written here. So, I will attempt to put a little bit about myself here.

I feel that the only way to get to know people is to just talk to them. I don't know how easy that is to do on this site the way it is set up, but I also have AIM and Yahoo Messenger, and I am on Myspace.

Some of my interests include writing, doing things on the computer (I am a geek at heart), reading (I love all kinds of books - both fiction and non-fiction), music (love all kinds of music), NASCAR (I have been a fan of the sport for five years now), and meeting new people. . . just to name a few.

Some of my favorite artists are: Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, Pink, Alanis Morissette, Evanescence, Daughtry, TLC, Aaliyah, Brandi Carlile, Rihanna, Alicia Keys, Joss Stone, Tweet, Ciara, Lauryn Hill, Korn, Celldweller, Dream Theater, Queensryche, Nine Inch Nails, Godhead, M.I.A., Godsmack, Ani DiFranco, Prince, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Elton John, Stever, Nick Black, Eowyn, Shaolin Temple of BooM, Souljourners, Porcelain and the Tramps, Mary Magdalan, Earth Eatz Dog, Nikki Shannon, Jen Gloeckner, Belladonna, Mandi Perkins, Jet Back Stare, Farchild, Siva Noir, Blessed Le Strange, The Screaming Orphans, The Divine Madness, Lucana Coil . . . and numerous others.

I've been a member of this club for a little over a year now. I do not believe you have to be in a fan club to be a true fan, nor do I think that "when" you discovered someone makes you a more important fan. I believe people and things come into our lives when they are meant to. They are offered to us to either take the journey with, or to turn away from, possibly learning less about ourselves due to that choice. There isn't an answer for why bad things happen to good people, or why certain things happen at certain times. We can ask the heavens until we're blue in the face, but some things are kept a mystery for us in this lifetime.

Criss was someone who came into my life when I wasn't looking for him. I do believe that while I wasn't actively looking, someone thought I NEEDED him. What I mean by that is that, regardless of weather I consciously knew it or not, I needed that next push of inspiration. Like with many things I'm attracted to, whether that be an author of a book, or a musician, I am pulled toward the positive, inspirational, strong soul who's been through the gamut and come out on top. I tend to feel most at home with those who are rough around the edges but soft in the heart center.

I can honestly say that Criss' personality, more so than his tricks, attracted me to him. I liked his personable nature, and I liked the way he thought. I liked this guy who was overcoming his obstacles and doing things. I liked how he appeared to be training his mind to go where he wanted it to. There were times when I had the backdrop of screaming, cursing, and all kinds of horror and I would turn to him to make me laugh and forget. All he had to do was laugh and smile and I laughed and smiled along with him. I liked his energy and the way he made you feel.

I was attracted to his family ties and the fact that appeared fan-friendly. I tended to be drawn to the every-man (or woman) who has made a success of themselves but stayed grounded enough to remember where he/she came from. I have never met Criss, but I do feel that when the time is right for me to do so, it will happen. The circumstances and people will come into my life when they are meant to.

I cannot say it has been an easy ride so far being here and being a fan. It's a new group of people to try and get to know. There is a lot of mistrust and game-playing in general over the computer (regardless of who you are supporting or what group you are a part of) and it is difficult to break the barriers. Again, I have to leave this in the hands of a Higher Power. I know I'm speaking a lot about this Higher Power and indicating a faith, however it is not religious-oriented as much as spiritual.

I am hoping through this site, as well as sites like Myspace, that I will be able to gain a friend or two. I realize many people live states away, and some people just aren't interested in anything but online correspondence. However, I have met people years ago through the old-fashioned method of pen pals way before the Internet was in existence. I have met guys through personal ads that became some of my best guy friends. I have met people on line standing for concert tickets. I have friends who have met their husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend trough some form of Internet communication. I am using a tool to connect with people who have the same interests as me. If I talk about Criss with you folks, I know you won't roll your eyes at me or that you get what I'm talking about. There's a beginning common connection, and then in some cases, you find that you have other things in common as well, or that you just stumbled upon a really great individual. I come across that all the time.

I was a little lost when I came onto this site, but I have had some nice folks who helped me out and introduced me to people. I didn't even know how to set my page up. I went further, and many of you are on Myspace, and I have either submitted a request to you or accepted one from you. When I'm on sites like that, or this one, I like to read what people are about, or what they use to decorate their page. Myspace has a status indicator, which allows you to see how people are feeling, and that can change from hour to hour, as we all know. I just think it helps you see how people are living their lives, and how they are going through their own journeys in life. In a way, you are sharing that with a little community.

There's not a whole lot I can tell you here. It's just a "resume". It's words, and it gives you a feel for someone, but it doesn't give you the whole picture. I can tell you that I'm not perfect, and that I am my own worst enemy at times. I don't believe I am a victim, but I have a hard time dealing with something in my present digging up skeletons I thought were buried from my past. I am a very sensitive, empathetic person. I'm a very feel-based type of person. I try to let my instincts guide me, but there are times I question certain feelings I get as actually gut-based.

I'm a loyal friend, and I'm honest. I won't lie to you, cheat, or play games with your head or heart. I don't want to be played with, either. I can be closed-off, but when I open myself up and you slap me, you might never get me to be open with you again. I would never hurt or offend someone on purpose, and if I did do or say something to offend or hurt, I like to know. If there is a basis for this or a misunderstanding, I will set it right. If there is no basis, then I am not going to beat myself up for something. Everything that is wrong in the world is not my fault. I can only do what is in my power to do, but if you try cutting me with your words and making me feel bad, then I cannot keep your negative influence in my life. If you are the type of person who doesn't put some time and effort into saying hello, or you leave it up to me to be the one to pick up the phone or write that letter, then I am going to stop doing it. I'll do it for awhile, but I won't be the one who does it all the time. ANY relationship is a two-way street. There has to be communication and mutual support and trust. If there isn't, then it will die. I've have enough conversations with myself; I don't need another one when I'm suppose to be having a dialog with someone else.

I am the type of person who will defend and support you if you are my friend. I will think of you often and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers always to be safe and happy. I try to be the type of person on here who might be the person who makes someone smile for the first time that day. Much like Criss made me smile through some of the chaos that has been the backdrop of my life, how do I know something I wrote or said won't be that one thing that gives someone else that lifeline who may be going through a similar or worse time than me? Maybe that person was hopeless, but now they won't feel so alone if they read my story. Or perhaps they may smile at a comment I sent them or laugh at something goofy I wrote. I want to be that kind of writer. If I made someone feel something, or inspire them, or made them think in a different way, then I did my job.

On here, and on other forums, I would like to be the person who isn't here for games, but just for real human communication. Maybe I have a light, too, that could be added to the other lights out there, giving us all hope. I know this sounds very Pollyanna, but what can I tell you? I get that way sometimes.

I can also tell you that when it comes to celebrities, my outlook may be a little different with them. I don't believe if someone has fame and money that that gives that individual license to play God. That person is equal to me and equal to you. I don't subscribe to: He or she is so-and-so, therefore he or she can do whatever. Uh uh. I don't believe that, either. Truth be told, whether you want that job or not, you have a little more responsibility because you become a type of role model. This is especially true if kids are attracted to you. Much like you have to conduct yourself in such a manner on a site such as this one due to young impressionable minds, you really have to watch how you conduct yourself in public as well. Many don't want that responsibility, but it's there regardless.

I look at a person in the public eye as someone who I would like to know under the image. I have always been and am very much still interested in the person behind the mask. I want to know who you are. I want to know who you were before you had that spotlight shine so brightly on you. I don't want you to be perfect. It's okay if you stumble, but what makes you a true inspiration is when you dust yourself off, get up, and you admit you're human. Those celebrities who act Godlike are a real turn-off. What makes you better than me? You are SOMEBODY and I am NOBODY, right? Who are you, because thousands or millions worship the ground you walk on and you have money (Money = Power = Lots of Hanger Ons and Yes-Men/Women), that you can look down at me? I believe, if I were someone who was in this person's life, they would want to be treated as a human.

Fame is a weird, illusionary world that can suck you dry. It appears glamorous and that you have everything you want, but who is really there for YOU that is surrounding you. If you are lucky enough to have family and old-time friends, you have a small support system. If you have a fan base that takes you into their world and gives you this type of unconditional love, than you can draw even more comfort from that. How about the rest, however? How about the media who are always there for the next big money shot? How about the journalist who is there to twist your words around or use you as some kind of example? How about the new buddies who didn't give you the time of day before and are all of a sudden your best buds? How about the men or women who wouldn't look twice at you, let alone date you, before, and now they're hanging on you like a second skin? How about the industry power players who talked in your ear, promising you one fake assurance after another and it never coming to play; now all of a sudden, those guys are there once again to "cash in"? Nothing is more sickening than hearing someone say, "We don't want anything to happen to our star." That's not concern for the human being, but for the money that person generates for you. That's the industry and it will suck you dry and take your soul if you're not strong enough.

There is no manual for fame. There is no Troubleshooting outline to get you out of a jam. You cannot prepare yourself for it. You think you know, but you don't really know the whole deck you're dealt until you're sitting at the card table. While I think constructive criticism is okay and healthy if it's coming from the right heart space, I don't believe it the unbridled bashing for the sake of being mean and treating that person as a sub-human without feelings. It's kind of sick that we get glee from someone in the public eye crumbling before our eyes. It's not funny and it's unjust. On the other end of the coin, we don't excuse someone from harmful and atrocious behavior because they are so-and-so, so we'll make it go away.

My hope is that one day the media will become a more balanced playing field. I used to want to be a journalist, but going up to a grieving mother after she just lost her child and asking her how she felt, hoping that you got that excruciating grief on camera for the five o'clock news just made me not want to be a part of that throng. I want to inspire, make people think, give people hope and make others feel less alone.

I believe in giving all sides to the story. For me, there's enough bad press in the world. I would like to portray the other side. It's not a form of idol worship; it 's another window. People are multi-dimensional and complex. One view is incomplete, but the media will always pounce on the gossipy dish rather than the wholesome one.

I also subscribe to the theory that we don't own anyone. People have a right to privacy and being away from their jobs. None of us work 24/7. How can we expect someone in the public eye to? Its not right and its not fair. On the other hand, some who NEVER takes the time to mix and meet with those who support him/her is seriously mislead as well. As Gene Simmons said, "You are my boss. Without you, the fans, I would not be here." is a very true statement. To have that unconditional love, in many cases, poured onto you is a true blessing to feel in this lifetime. Forget the money and profit that is brought in by the support of such a fan base; the love has to be something truly otherworldly to feel. Regardless of what any of us say, we all want to feel loved and to give love; we all want to feel we belong somewhere. We want to know there are people who will accept us when we are down as well as when we are up. If we know we belong somewhere we know that we have somewhere to hang our hat and a place to rest our head at the end of the day.

The truth is, we've all been hurt, and we've all felt used. The cycle continues if we let it. It has to stop somewhere. Why not here, and why not now? One step at a time, one person at a time, one day at a time, we can start changing the screwed up world we live in. Are you ready????